I'm A Fool
by Marineko
Summary: *yaoi* songfic, based on the song by Letters To Cleo. my first fic!! ^^


_Title _: **I'm A Fool**  
_Author_: Black Rainbow  
_Chapter:_ 1/1  
_Status:_ One Shot  
_genre:_ yaoi, songfic  
_Pairing:_ SenKosh  
_Disclaimer :_ I don't own any of the characters. They all belong to Takehiko Inoue...

_'It would be nice to know everything, but  
I never said I did  
And now I'm a moving target  
with nothing to admit.  
What will I find when I cross that line?'_

_Where the heck is Akira?_ Koshino wondered, walking down the streets of Ryonan. A four-day school vacation is coming up and his parents said that he could spend it with a friend or two at the small sea-side chalet the family always used for vacations. Needless to say, he planned on asking Akira to come along. Lately the two of them have been too busy to see much of each other, and this is the perfect change for them to -

He stopped short in front of the diner. Through the glass window Koshino could distinguish his boyfriend, a tall spiky-headed boy, talking - no, make that flirting - with a girl. It was like a scene from a bad teen movie. He remembered his thirteen-year-old sister doing a Cosmogirl quiz last night. She had asked him, 'If you saw your boyfriend flirting or kissing someone else would you: a) confront him then and there, and make a scene, b) decide to break up with him and walk away calmly, c) run away crying your eyes out, or d) stare at him until he notices you, then run away?' 

"You don't know what it's like until it actually happens to you," he said softly now. Through the window he saw the girl leaning over the table to kiss his Akira. Not wanting to see anymore, Koshino turned away and walked. Slowly. As he walked the shock began to melt away, and he began to feel the pain creeping in, tearing him apart. _So this is heartbreak. This is what Rukawa warned me against_. Rukawa wasn't the only one. When he and Akira first got together, it was like the whole world was against them. Of course there were some homophobics who threatened both him and Akira bodily harm, but most of them - mainly Rukawa, Akira's ex-boyfriend, and Koshino's basketball teammates - told him that he can't trust Akira. They told him this would happen but he just laughed it off. He told them that this time it was different.

_'Though it would be a kick if I got my way  
I hardly ever do  
and the closest that I ever get is  
nothing on you  
Like what happened when I said you'd never go'_

*flashback*

Koshino stared at Akira, who was - for the first time since Koshino's known him - looking back very seriously. Koshino gulped. "What?"

"Don't tell me you've never wanted us to be more than friends, Hiro-kun..." Akira sounded coy and confident, but his eyes were pleading Koshino to give him a chance.

"Akira," Koshino said softly. "Of course I have . . . and I like you, but I can't -" he stopped. Sendoh Akira was standing right in front of him, and suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. "I don't want to get hurt, Akira..." he choked out. "I don't handle pain very well. Please go. I can't breathe when you're so near," he confessed.

"I read somewhere that life is not about how many breaths you take, it's about the moments that take your breath away*," Akira said. "I know I don't have the best reputation in the world, but can't you give me a chance?" he asked Koshino softly as he settled his lips on Koshino's. Koshino felt like there is a flame burning both in his and Akira's souls, flowing together. He moaned and pulled Akira closer, wrapping his arms around Akira's neck. Akira pulled back to tell Koshino, "Hiro-kun, I will never hurt you." Then, as he leaned in for another kiss, he whispered, "I will never leave you."

*end flashback*

_I'm a fool to think that you   
Could ever be that true_

Only one more day to go for the four-day holidays to be over, Koshino reminded himself. One more day. Then school starts . . . and he would have to face Akira's betrayal. For three days he had been living by himself in the chalet. It was the perfect place to be alone - kinda ironic, since he once thought that it would be the perfect place to be alone with Akira. For three days Koshino had been curled up in bed, while memories replay itself in his head. Their first kiss, first date, their aniversaries . . . the first time they made love. "Kami-sama," Koshino cried softly as he curled up even more. "If this is what love is like, how do people survive it? How will I survive this?"

The door to the room opened. Koshino became still. No one, except his parents, knew where he was. He opened one eye to see a spiky head peering in, "Hiro-kun?"

"Akira!" He sat up in shock, pushing his blankets away. "What are you doing here?"

Sendoh gave an uncharacteristic frown. "That was what I was going to ask you. Where have you been? I've been so worried! I -" he stopped after having a good look at Koshino. "Have you been crying?" he asked softly. 

"Baka..." Koshino murmured. All of the grief he had felt the past few days was turning into anger, anger towards Sendoh who said once that he would never leave him. "After all that you have done, that is all you can say? 'Have you been crying?'" he imitated Sendoh. "Yes, I have! Over you, of all things! Forgive my stupidity.."

_Think for minute what you say and   
then think about what you've done  
and I'll think about your other girls  
and how I want to be the only one_

Akira looked like he had just been slapped. "What are you talking about, Hiro-kun?"

"I'm talking about you two-timing me. I'm talking about your promise never to leave me - and now you seem to jump at the sight of the first person who shows any interest in you!"

Akira's face, that was a stranger to anything other than a smile, crumbled. "Hiro-kun . . . I never wanted to hurt you."

New grief washed over Koshino at the sight of Akira looking at him with such pain and bewilderment, but he swallowed it. Akira would have to learn to deal with his pain, just like he would have to deal with his own. "Look, Akira," he said. "I know you don't want to hurt me. But you did. And you must know that you can't have everything your way. For this once, I will not let you have everything. You can't change who you are, either..." he said sadly.

_Make a plan figure out where you stand  
and see it through  
just make your move_

A look of alarm flashed briefly in Akira's eyes. "What if I can change?"

"What?" He couldn't believe what Akira was saying.

"I said, what if I can change? Hiro-kun, I know this is selfish of me to ask, but will you give me a second chance?" Tears glistened in his eyes as he took a step towards Koshino. He swallowed. "I'll do anything. I promise I will never hurt you again. Those girls never meant anything to me, Hiro-kun... but you do. I'll give up anything, even them, even my life, but please don't make me give you up." He sighed. "You're right - I can't have everything. But nothing I have means anything if I don't have you.."

Koshino's heart was beating faster and faster - too fast, he could barely take a breath. He wanted so much to believe in Akira. The taller boy reached out his hand and touched Koshino's. Koshino was going to pull it back, but instead his fingers closed around Sendoh's. "Hiro-kun. . . you," clearing his throat, Akira tried again. "You are not only boyfriend, you are my best friend." His grip on Koshino's hand grew tighter, and Koshino wouldn't be able to pull away even if he wanted to. 

Akira stepped even closer. "In fact, you are more than that. You are the first person I loved, and I guess I was scared, too." He gave a bitter laugh. "I told you not to be scared, but I was scared shitless the whole time. I went out with that girl to prove to myself that I don't need you, but all it did was that is made me realize how pale everyone seems when I compare them to you. I guess I was so scared of losing you, I unconsciously pushed you away . . . I was such a -"

Koshino raised a finder to Akira's lips, silencing him. "You're so stupid," he said. "I could have told you that I'd never leave you , that you don't have a reason to be scared . . ." he closed the distance between them and nuzzled against Akira's neck. "I love you too, Akira. . ."

_I don't care what you say  
I don't care what you do  
Just make it me  
Make it me._

**END.**

note: my first completed fanfic - of any genre! *snickers* i'm such a loser. this fic sucks, but thanks for reading!

* I really did read this somewhere....   



End file.
